diwali 2011

Last year Diwali, it was fighting with neighbours and i noted this in my last year's blog on this subject. But this year its all different. My wife is in States with my daughter. My son in Hyderabad in a training in air force. I am alone in this flat. Morning it is already 6 a.m. And I get up hearing a distant cracker sound. The children have become older. The small children is afraid of crackers and the buildings all round, the crackers are slowly dying down. I skipped the old "enna thechu kuli" (the ritual to have drowned yourself fully in Gingelly Oil and take a lehiyum ( a herbal paste thats good for digestion - to take care of sweets and it also takes care of the vomitting sensation due to long hours in the smokes. Where have the children and the happy noises of Diwali gone? The oldies are also not keen The festivals become held to hearts (only in homes). The costs are sky rocketing. I bought a cover full of mathappu. My neighbour (jayanthi) brought me some sweets and idli. The festival of lights ( and crackrs) is slowly losing its old glory. I felt sad on the soundlessness of the Diwali.

iam a sinner

Yesterday afternoon my appa called me on the phone He is in town staying with my brother He asked "Are you free tomorrow"? Tomorrow is a Sunday.. I had an ache in my mind.. My father is asking me my convenience to visit me ( In fact he has to live with me..or rather I have to take care of him and especially when my mamma is no more..But) I cant understand why such distance.. Who am I.. I am his son..( At office i am not a General Manager who holds an important portfolio.) I dont know how in all the years i have sent a wrong signal that my father should ask me time for visiting me I simple said ..You can come whenever you feel like.. In my heart of hearts.. I cried and said Oh I must have sinned.. I am a sinner.