failure 1

It happened when i was working as Field Officer at our Parassala branch. I had a branch manager, ravichandran by name. He was from Chennai. A very diplomatic person. Once, he told me that he wants to visit Padmanabha temple. I was staying very near the temple. He asked me whether i can help him. I said of course.. He wanted to place before the Lord an "al roopam" in gold (it was his wife's prayer.

I went early that day.I had enquired and found out that he would reach there by 6 pm. The temple would be closed by 7 pm.

He came by his Omni Van.. The time was around 6.45 pm.
I was tense that if he came by 7 or even later, the temple would be closed.
I thought he would be happy to see me before the temple.
On seeing me near the temple, he was upset.. I was wearing pants and shirts (which was not allowed inside the temple). He expected me to arrange inside the temple for his visit and
I was there in my office dress and not the temple goer's dress.
I told him how to go inside the temple and the ways to submit the "Al roopam".
he told me on my face.. "I know al these.. but i thought you would arrange it
in the temple and would wait for me inside the temple.."

i drew a blank face..

Had it been someone else, it would have surely been reflected in my next CR.. but Ravichandran was good.

But i still pity myself why i did not understand his mind..

failure

I feel i have failed terribly.
But where did i..
my father who is now at Palakkad calls me and tells
that he has arrived in my brother's house by morning train.
my brother's son picked him from railway station.

I wondered.. I am alone at my house which is nearer to railway station.
But yet he has arranged with my brother.
When i asked him whether he is coming to my house, he said that he
wants some rest and would come in the evening.
I receive a call from him by 3 pm and he says that he is coming to my
house and enquired whether i will be there.
When he came to my house, i talked for a while and asked him
whether he would like to stay back. He says that all his tablets are
at Kalady ( my brother's house).
Earlier he was saying that he had difficulty pulling on with my wife.
but if that was the reason, why he preferred to stay at Kalady which was
away from the town whereas sreevaraham is very near temples,and is in the
town..

I felt very sad that my father calls me to find out whether i am available
for him to visit..why is is very formal..what prevents him to be assertive
on me and to say that he is coming and staying with me..
what part of my behaviour does that..

I always fought with padmaja to give him more respect
i dont remember any incident that i disrespected him.
but i dont know to show any love and affection. I keep them in my heart.

But i remember an astrologer once said.. that i wont get any love
and affection from any quarters...

to teach

My son got a offer letter in INFOSYS. This i knew through my wife. Then again he got another offer from Accenture.this also i understood from my wife.
But why he did not tell this to me. it took me to my way of teaching the children lessons.
I have learnt that Girafee kicks its new borns by its hind long feet and the new ones will fall at some distance and with great difficulty it tries to reach its mother. This goes on for a few times and the little ones walk around the mother.
When the child miss school bus. I wont take them to school. I wanted his teacher to scold him so that he is on time thereafter. But my wife gets into and shouts and finally i will take them on my scooter 15 km away and when i go slow the child gets angry saying that i was purposefully slow ( which was not correct).

But what happened is when the child grows up he cuts off the communication line with me.
When he was angry with me for not buying the latest bike..When he grew his hair long to join his Rock Band i did not approve and when he wanted to become a pilot, i felt sorry. In order to keep the blodd pressure low, i was cool when he was talking to his mother of his interviews.

All the while i was praying to GOD.

I was never understood properly.

Was it because i wanted to teach my children the difficult way..i don't know.